Bad Blogger

 

To say I’ve been a bad blogger would be the mother of all understatements. To be honest, when I got my knee injury I didn’t really feel like it for a while. Then, and I’m very happy to say, my life got in the way. I was going to parties, hanging out with my friends and spending time with my amazing boyfriend. Blogging kinda took a back seat, but now I have more time, becauseee its …… SUMMER .

And as if that wasn’t enough, my knee is feeling fine *fingers crossed*.  So,I’ve joined a gym and have been going almost every day. I’m feeling amazing, eating is going much better. I’m trying to not calorie count and just go with the flow. Anyway, I shall report more on what I’ve been getting up to in future posts. But for now I shall just show you some eats from today.

I was up early (well, ish) for a morning spin class. To fuel up I had a bowl of oatmeal with melon. I’m still working up having actual milk in my oats, but, you know, baby steps

I may have also snagged some melon on my way out the door.

Now for the exercise, shall we do some comparisons ? Haha.

   Morning                 After 45 minutes spinning,       All clean
                                   45 minutes epilitical and 20
                                   minutes weights.
     

 

I was planning on having a snack after the gym but I was so hungry I needed lunch. Enter, sainsburys.

I have been craving sushi for aaages, and as I have now learn… One should always honour their cravings . And the powerade, well, my electrolytes will thank me. Oooo, then I had some raspberries, but somehow I managed to finish the punnet…

                                         Now they’re all gone

Ho hum, I managed to bag myself some juicy nectarines at the market. 8 for £1…. Yes please !!

                                               Nom nom.

For dinner I made myself one of Emma’s creations… Cheezy quinoa baked mushrooms.

                                                 Holy Yum

Obviously I ate A LOT more than that today, but I won’t bore you with the rest. I will be back soooon

WIAW

Thankyou for all your comments on my last post. I took your advice and swapped my run for a doctors appointment (I really don’t think this is a fair swap haha). He says I have “Anterior Knee Pain”, which, from what I can tell is basically a posh way of saying my knee is hurting and not actually a diagnosis at all. Anyway, the jist of the meeting was that I should do no exercise (except walking) until it stops hurting, elevate it, ice it and take ibuprofen. So, thats what I’m doing. Its pretty funny actually, in every lesson at school you’ll find me sitting there with my leg on a chair and an ice pack on it. But hey, its doctors orders!

I’m not gonna lie, not running yesterday was hard, and I struggled a lot with the guilt of no exercise. But today I made a real effort to keep on track – wouldn’t want to miss out on WIAW !! Speaking of WIAW, this is what I ate:

                                                       cb&j oats. Nom, I love breakfast

Far to many of these… note to self, get over addiction !!

Lunch was very nice actually, a quorn cottage pie, didn’t quite look like the box tho

vs.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then for some epic fruit action:

 

 

For some snacking in the afternoon I wanted only 2 things, popcorn and these (I say these because I’ve had about 5 today)…

Dinner was chilli con carne with potato wedges, kinda nice but I feel very ill now. Meat doesn’t seem to like me and I don’t like it. But my mother thinks it’s an ED thing and makes me eat it (same reason why I’m not allowed to be vegan) eugh

I tried to disguise the taste with cucumber, it didn’t work. So, that is what I ate Wednesday. No exercise (rawrrr ) but I did go and visit a gym. Can’t wait to join!

   

How much do you pay for your gym membership? This one will be about £20 a month for full use of gym and classes (no pool tho).

Do you ever have guilty feelings if you are unable to exercise (eg. With an injury)? I’m struggling with this right now . Trying desperately not to restrict. Words of wisdom are welcome !!

Help!

Rawrrr… Did you miss me? Well, I’m not going to lie, I’m in PAIN!! After my morning run on Sunday I felt fine, but come the afternoon my knee was in agony. Seriously, horribly painful to walk. I thought (well, hoped) the pain would’ve subsided by now, but alas, its hasn’t. Its still painful to walk . Has anyone got any advice as to what this might be?  Its a pain my the right kneecap, whenever I bed it, I haven’t been running for very long so I don’t see how it could be caused by repetitive damage, gaaaa I just want it to go away. But for now, I am making do with this:

Makeshift ice pack holder (there’s an ice pack under there)!

Anyway, after my lunch I decided to try Katie’s Breakfast Pizzert , but I ended up using Emma’s recipe. Well, before I show you it, remember, it WAS delicious. But, well, it didn’t really hold together, not sure what I did wrong…. suggestions?

Strawberries and Cashew butter…. NOM (btw, I have already fallen in love with cashew butter, how have I lived without it for so long?). After that was when the real pain started, I walked into town and could barely make it back for this:

Beans on toast, yummerz

The run itself was amazing (as per). Did 6 miles with 4 x 400m intervals and 400m jogs again. Wow… it was fab.

      

And max HR 170… not bad for a sunday morning haha.

One last thing to show you, I have been loving this snack as of late. Its Katie’s Strawberry Shortcake Cupcake. Ermm…. yum, smothered in cashew butter and whipped cream, whats not to LOVE? Thankyou Katie for another amazing recipe

What’s your favourite type of nut butter? Mine’s cashew atm, but I’m pretty sure thta could change with each new pot I buy!

What do you think I should do about my knee? Continue running with caution or just stop altogether?

And don’t forget, Erin is having a giveaway… not to be missed !

Why I Don’t Like Wimbledon Fair

 

Just a quick post as I’m going to bed soon. So tired and I’m hoping to get up early so I can run without being jeered at by the Wimbledon Fair-goers (there is currently the annual fair on Wimbledon common, needless to say I am not a fan, and I don’t like the way there are now caravans parked over my running track ! ).

Anywayys, I shall quit complaining. On Friday morning I was lured out of bed at the prospect of this:

 

That would be toffee yoghurt, LOTS of fruit , frosties and a lil’ whipped cream.

 

 

 

 

 

Oats – Plain and simple. But then I loaded them up with peanut butter and agave (what can I say… I’m just not a “plain” sorta girl haha)

 

 

 

The rest of the was fun, got to leave school at 12.15 …. I am loving my free periods at the moment haha. I went and sussed out a new gym (the YMCA), looked pretty good, 12 classes a day? YES PLEASE! So excited to be joining soon.

I came home and was itching for a run, so I thought I’d do an easy 4 miles before lunch. Very enjoyable … even if I did have to avoid a few caravans. Standard post run photos :

       

Oh lovely post run glow, how I have missed you!

After lunch ( which was packed up because I didn’t realise I would be allowed to leave school before lunch) I showered and packed to go to my boyfriends house (he lives about 40 minutes train ride away, but we make it work ) and stayed there for the night. The night included A LOT of food (there a family of 5 boys!) and I loved it, no pics sorry, they don’t know about the blog. Dinner was baked potato’s, chicken marinated in basil oil and broccoli (I FORCED them to eat their broccoli – even though they are 13,17,18,21 and 25, they still gotta eat their greens! haha). Then I had smarties, a chocolate chip cookie, a fairy cake and some midnight snacking of roasted red pepper soup, NOMMM.

Chilled at Joe’s (my bf) house this morning, did some stretching and didn’t go for a run as I had set today aside as a “rest” day, but boy did that take some doing! It was so sunny out I was just dying to go and run in the sunshine, but I had a nice leisurely walk in town insted. And I bought some CASHEW BUTTER, I haven’t had it in AGESSSS ! But I used to love it so I can’t wait to try it tomorrow.

Right, now I’m off for a quick snack then its a nice hard run tomorrow morning. I am so PUMPED for it haha (yes, I know, I’m a looooooser ). And I shall tell you what I think of the cashew butter tomorrow. Night all xx

But… You said you were back?

Okay okay, I’m sorry. I didn’t really come back, but I guess that’s kinda a good thing. I’m am doing SO much better now… seriously

Recently did my AS exams and now i’ve just got about 5 weeks of work and studying to go until i’m freeeee. I can’t wait. I don’t really want to recount what’s been happening, it hasn’t be bad as such, I just think I need to start living my life in the present not the past. All I’ll say is that I still very much have Anorexia, unfortunately its not going anywhere. But I wouldn’t call myself “ill” in any way, and nor would I say I have been letting it affect my life in any major way (except over exams… but i’m trying to forget about that).

And, I have big news……

I GOT MY PERIOD BACK I’m so happy that I can be classed as healthy now. And I’ve been cleared for exercise, which I have taken up with much vigour (not too much mind you). I have re-discovered my love for running and am planning on joining a gym in the very near future. My doctors and parents are ok with this so long as there is a “contract” which details how much I’m allowed to do each week. Fine by meee

Anyways, on to today, I woke up this morning (at 6.30 for school *yawn*) and immediately wanted to go running. Alas, I had to get through an ENTIRE day before I could find a spare moment to go. But go I went.

Breakfast got me out of bed if i’m honest (betcha never thought i’d say that! haha)

 

A yoghurt mess :
Bottom layer: Raspberries, Strawberries, Blueberries, Melon
Middle Layer: Vanilla Yoghurt
Top Layer: (added after the photo) Coco-pops mega munches (I know, I’m sorry, but we all have to relive those childhood days sometimes!)

The Culprit

After school I came home and a package was awaiting me…
Inside was my new HEARTRATE WATCH I was so psyched. Well obviously I had tp try it out immediately!
I was only planning on doing a 4 mile run but somehow that turned into a 6 miler with intervals!

The Run (1 hour 7 minutes):
2 miles jog/run
4 x 400m sprints with 400m jog inbetween
3 mile run (Was going to be 2 mile but I just couldn’t stop!)

I realise this may not seem like much to all you amazing fitness people, but to me it was quite an accomplishment (considering its only about my 4th run in 2 years!).

And now I’m off to have some cake because its yummy and according to my watch I have 430kcal to eat back. Hey, I’m not complaining!

                                                              Hello old friend  

I WILL be back soon. Feel free to comment.

Byee xxx

Update

 

Sorry I haven’t posted for so long. I’ve been really busy with school and work and life in general haha. Not much has happened recently, I’ve been put on antidepressants but thats about it. My parents are so angry about it, they’re more the sort of “get on with it” type of people, as apposed to the “lets talk about it/ use medication” type. I don’t really care about being out on them, if they make me feel better then i’m all for it. Problem is my parents think I basically exaggerate my anorexia when I go to my treatment team. In truth, they couldn’t be more wrong. I don’t show them how I really feel and then I tell the truth to my team. I see their dilemma but it makes me upset that they think I would put on such a serious mental illness.
Anyway, onto happier things…. oh wait. Sorry, this post is gonna be pretty dark. I’m having a really hard time right now, with everything. I’m now the heaviest i’ve been since i’ve begun to gain weight and in truth, I feel crap. I feel really big and I keep comparing myself to everyone else. Eugh, its so horrible, my team say this is the hardest part (after choosing to gain weight to begin with). I’m now at almost 19 bmi and i’m still waiting for my periods to magically appear. I hate the whole process and my ED thoughts are dominating a huge part of my mind. I lost a bit of weight this week and it worries me how much I liked it. I don’t want to relapse but I think it will happen, just the way I’m feeling right now I think its inevitable. I’ve got to this weight twice and then lost 4kg in the space of 2 weeks both times. I really don’t want it to happen again but I just think it  will. And as if that wasn’t enough, one of my really good friends has essentially ditched me – well she ignores me a lot and is basically in complete control of our relationship. She came out to a show with me and my dad and my other friend and my dad commented afterwards about how she just hogged my other friend and cut me out of the conversation completely. I guess I’ve just become used to it but he’s right, she dominates everything –which would be fine if I was still the loud outgoing girl I was before ED, but I’m not. I’m quite quiet now, I like going out but I don’t have to, I’ve changed a lot and I guess our friendship doesn’t really work now that I have. That’s completely my fault, but I still feel bad.
Apart from all that I’ve been ok, I got a prize at prize giving for my GCSE results which was awesome Haven’t really done much else to be honest, just milling around and working. A couple of weeks ago I went up to a conference in nottingham for 4 days and I didn’t eat once, I know it’s not good and I was taken to A&E with hypoglycaemia and low white blood cell count, its weird how bad things can get in such a short space of time. Anyway, new year, new time. I’ll post my new year’s resolutions soon 

I have a few foodie pics:

A casual snack : Maple sweetened Greek Yoghurt and an orange

My new obsession: Yoats (yoghurt and oats). LOVE ❤

I shall be posting again soon, feel free to comment.

Byeee for now ❤

A Busy Week

Sorry about being MIA for the past week, I’ve just got back to school and had a lot of work etc. to do. I think I’m just getting back into the swing of things and I’ve found myself with a bit of free time to so a post.   How are you all?

So yeh, my trip to see my family was really good, and a nice break. When we got back I went back to my mum’s house as she and my stepdad were back from Egypt ( If I haven’t already said my parents are divorced and my mum has married again and had a sister with her new husband – but I’ll do a full post on that some other time. ). I barely had time to get settled then it was time to go to CAHMS and get weighed, I gained 0.3 kg (just under a pound) in the last week. Not great tbh, but unfortunately ED was bugging me. Going on  about how it was too much blah blah blah. I didn’t restrict but for the next day or so it was tough, and it showed. Later that day I met with my friend Grace, I love her to pieces and she recently moved to boarding school so I couldn’t wait to spend the day with her. It was fabby to see her again and our friendship just fell back into place. That evening we went to her friends house and had such a good time and we got….. CHINESE TAKEOUT! Oh mi gosh, it was such a challenge, especially having gained weight. But I did it and I really enjoyed myself – and I had the chance to meet all of Grace’s friends which was fab.

Anyway, skip forward a few days and I was off again – this time to Switzerland to see some old friends of my stepdad, but they have a son my age who I’d met a few times. Well, we immediately hit it off and spent the whole weekend like we we’d know each other forever – it was so great! We went out on both nights to the pub where I developed a love of baileys and realised that in Switzerland I am somewhat of a beauty. Haha, it was pretty fun to have all the boys swooning over me And Oscar (the boy I was staying with) was so nice at pointing out that I look amazing and shouldn’t even think about losing more weight (obviously he knew about my ED). I was really sad to leave but I really hope to go back soon.

And then it was back to school again… such a letdown if I’m honest. The work is already piling up and on top of that I have a cold and had to come home at lunch today because I felt so terrible! Luckily I’ve managed to get some of my homework done but it’s still not great. We just had a firework show in my garden with my family – so fun, my little sister (she’s 5) can be so cute. She was really scared but trying to be all macho

Anyway, on to some eats of the past week :

              Some wholewheat spaghetti with peas and a sweet chilli Philadelphia sauce

Singapore noodles from m&s “fuller for longer” range

Lunch today : Oatmeal with melted raspberries and blueberries. Yum

Frozen Berries with fromage frais and splenda

Pudding ! – A custard chouz bun. Omg so yummy,

These are da bomb. Seriously, try them if you can ! These are like my go to comfort food. Do you have any foods that make you feel so much better?

 

Thanks for reading guys. Hope your all doing ok Hopefully I shall be posting again very soon as my weekend plans are pretty non existant right now (can’t wait to just chill ).

Yorkshire Pudding

Hey hey 🙂 How are y’all doing? I’m having a fun time up in yorkshire (north of the uk for those of you unfamiliar with it). I’m up here visiting my aunt and cousin who I haven’t seen for 2 years!! I was in hospital for most of last year and refused to have family visitors so they actually haven’t seen me since before my ED began. Its such a weirs feeling seeing family and knowing that the hardly recognise you 😦 If your wondering why I look so different even though I’m almost weight restored its because I used to be a top rower. So I was very bulky and muscular, a far cry from what I look like now. Its make me sad to know that I threw away so much but achieved so little 😦 anyway, enough of the depressing stuff and on to something more uplifting… The title of this post.

Basically, I texted my friend yesterday to tell him I going to yorkshire this weekend and when he replied I expected to be met with a letter of farewell (he’s cool like that) but instead I received the lovely news that I’m going to “turn into a yorkshire pudding” – isn’t he cute haha. I love the way he treats me like a normal person. (For those of you who don’t know what a yorkshire pudding is, its a cup shaped crispy dough made from baked pancake batter). He really cheered me up. Do you ever find that a single comment from a friend makes you feel better ?

Won’t be able to post many eats for the next couple of days as the fam might think its a bit weird to take photos of food lol. But from my lunch today I have a couple ( apologies for the bad quality. I had to take them with my crappy blackberry camera waaaa).

Sushi FTW 🙂

My Yummy Fruit Salad

Upside-Down Cake Anyone?

Thankyou for reading – feel free to comment.
Bye 🙂
Maria

 

Oh I almost forgot, I have one last thing to say. Head on over to Katie’s blog. Delicious and healthy recipes – what more could you want !!

A Little Introduction

Hey Guys, how are you all ?

I’m just moving my blog from blogspot to wordpress. If you want to read more about my past then you can find it at http://www.morningtreats.blogspot.com,  I’ve really come a long way since then. I haven’t got the time to tell you all about it but I’ll give you a brief overview. (I apologize for the long post in advance). Back in February (when I was last posting) I was really not in a good place. Reading my old posts makes me sad, thinking about how much I was lying to myself. I was dangerously underweight, about BMI 14-15. I even lied about my weight, making up that the scales were wrong and I pretending was actually fine. Since then, I’ve gained over 10kg (22lbs) and I’m doing a lot better. I no longer need to be watched at meals (not for a long time), nor do I weigh all my food. I do still count calories and I’m working towards intuitive eating but I’m not so obsessive. If I’m offered a bit of cookie at school, I’ll eat it and forget about it. Not factor it in and way overestimate it as I would’ve done. I’m sad to admit I got a lot worse before I turned to corner. I narrowly avoided hospital but I’m embarrassed to say that was only due to water-loading. Once I started to gain weight properly life began to get a lot better. I was more involved in conversations; people began to include me because they liked me and not because they pitied me. In May-June I took my GCSE exams and whilst I was extremely stressed and lost a little weight I generally completed them in good spirits, and went on to have the most amazing summer.

During the summer I went to Australia with my dad and then my friend Grace and I went to France where we ate cakes and ice cream and generally acted like teenagers. I was the happiest I’d been in as long as I can remember. During the summer I gained the last 3kg that I needed to reach maintenance, something which I had been reluctant to do for the past month or so (I basically maintained at about 3kg below my goal for a few weeks). I got to my maintenance about 6 weeks ago and started school. Everything was going great; people said I looked fab, I received the most compliments I’ve ever received. But unfortunately it was not to last. A new girl at school who was developing an eating disorder came to me to ask for help. Unfortunately in doing so she tempted the anorexia that had been lying vaguely dormant for the past few weeks. It really hit me hard, scarily hard. I stopped eating, my intake dropped to below 100 calories a day and I began compulsively exercising again. In the space of 2 weeks I’d lost over 4kg and my treatment team were making arrangement for me to be admitted ASAP. Luckily, I managed once again to turn it around just on the brink of another admission.  I’m currently gaining back the weight I’d lost but I seem to be stuck. I’m finding it hard to break the 2000 calorie mark, and for the past 2 weeks I’ve been maintaining my weight. My treatment team are anxious for me to get back to where I was before my mini relapse and are pushing me to gain faster. I decided to start blogging again because I think I need to support and I enjoy the social side of it. I won’t be posting my eats today as my camera is out of battery and I can’t find the charger but I will be doing so very soon – so look out!

Thanks for reading – Just some holiday snaps to show you 😛

In Australia

Just casually eating an oyster 🙂

Maria xoxo